we have pet lesbian snakes
Moan for me like Helen Keller
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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