Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
