Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
