We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
