I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
