I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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