You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
