I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
