it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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