Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
