i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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