i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
