I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
