Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
