Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
