How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
