Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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