Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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