Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
