I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
