He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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