im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
