i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
