She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
