the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
