garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
