What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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