There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
