omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
