oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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