Yo dont text me then not text me
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
