I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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