things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
