i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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