Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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