yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
