It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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