either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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