I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
