go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
