I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
