3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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