i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
