I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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