I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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