So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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