just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
