i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
