I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize