i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Houston, we have a blender
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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