So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
