i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
