Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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