Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
