i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
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The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
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I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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