Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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