Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
