I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
