do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
