That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
