Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
