I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
