she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
