i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
