So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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