Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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