Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
