This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
