his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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