Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
