Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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