a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
