Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
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No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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