his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
