Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I pour the whiskey from now on
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
