Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
