You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
