Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
