Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
