I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
