I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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