Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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