Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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